Mission repitition

We ate breakfast again at Tony’s house.

It was fun, again.
We’re pretty good cooks.

But, anyways, let me speak a bit
about some recently past events.

I’m just stuck in a rut, or something.
I feel bored, yet that is not enough motivation to go and do anything.
It seems like there is not enough motivation in the world to go and do anything.

I’m almost looking forward to going back to college.
Well, actually, it’s more neutral than that, if possible.
It’s kinda like…
I’ll go back to college when i have to,
but for now, i’m home.
And that’s just how it’s gonna be.

I just don’t seem to care about anything, lately.
Chemical imbalances or something?!

Today, my parents tried to give me some tips
on my performing antics with TSPO because

I
don’t
move.

They told me a bunch of little things to do.
But, in the end, it all boiled down to
stop being a sad little zombie on stage.
It was just presented in a very
comforting and loving manner.

But, I already knew that i was an undead “front-man”.
They told me the exact same stuff after my last performance.

I appreciate the advice, though.
I know it would help.
But, I don’t really care too much how I look on stage.
I care a little, i guess.
But, I also know i should probably care more.

I care about how i sound.
And i still sound shitty.
It’s annoying.

On a couple occasions during my long winter break,
my good friend called me up.
He wanted to hang out, since we haven’t seen each other
in quite a long time.

And I said I couldn’t.
I told him I already had plans.
I was not lying, though.
I did have plans with the Asians,
but, like he had brought up, I had seen the Asians
about every single day of the break.
And i have not seen him for several months.

I’m not sure why i didn’t just go to hang out with him.
I feel like i’m detaching myself from him,
but he’s a very good friend of mine.

I’ve noticed that I’m becoming less and less social.

I don’t mean like, i don’t party anymore.
I never party so hardy.
It’s just not my thing.

I just feel like I don’t even
communicate with people anymore…
in person.
Actually, i barely ever take down
my away message on aim now, too.
But, i’m usually not away from my computer.
I’m definitely using it, but i’m still away.
(Although, if you message while i’m away,
i’ll still answer if i’m actually there.)

I think i need to start getting to know new people
on a deeper level than just small talk.
I guess small talk will lead to the more meaningful talks.

This all reminds me of Eric’s recent blog entry.
I’m not sure if that inspired me to write about it also,
or if it just awakened something inside of me.
Or maybe both.
Who knows?!
You should check his out, too.
http://akoe311.wordpress.com/2008/01/19/one-last-week-of-freedom/

Well, next semester will bring new opportunities.
Meet new people.
Get better grades.
Get to better know my new friends from last semester.
Maybe actually talk to the other Filipinos in FASA?!
(hm… that might be the least likely out of all)

I also gotta keep up with that resolution i set.

I
gotta
BOOK IT!!